My RvB Script
by The Soul Behind The Words
Summary: My own script I wrote for Red vs Blue. Short, but I think it's funny.


My RvB Script

By David Donnelly

This is my script for Red vs Blue. I don't own (or pwn) Red vs Blue or Halo, those are the property of Rooster Teeth and Bungie Studios. But SargeCake© is mine.

Sarge: Listen up soldiers,we need some initiative. So I decided to hold a pep rally.

Donut: Ooh,ooh! Let me design the decorations!

Grif: This is a stupid idea.

Sarge: How's about you find a new way to make us happy?

Simmons: I'm okay with the idea, sir, as long as Church isn't coming.

Sarge: That's it! We can make a bomb, and use it to blow up the Blue Base! Okay. Here's how it'll go. Simmons, you make the bomb out of the available resources.

Simmons: You mean rocks and bullet shells?

Sarge: Exactly. Grif, you will eat the bomb, then self-detonate inside their base.

Grif: But that'll kill me!

Sarge: Heh heh. We'd better get this plan in motion!

Grif: I can't be in the plan, Sarge. Um...I'm on a new diet.

Donut: Oh, me too! You see, I can only eat food that has the letter Q in it.

Sarge: Well, now, bomb has a Q in it.

Church: We've gotta get rid of those Red Team Members. I've got a plan. Meet me here in an hour.

Tucker: What do you think he's doing?

Caboose: Ooh! Ooh! I know!

Tucker:What, Caboose?

Caboose: I think he's going to bake a pie.

Tucker: sigh

Grif: I ate the bomb, Sarge.

Sarge: Good! Now, go to the Blue Base and tell them we surrender. They'll be caught off guard, then you-er, I mean the Blues will be gone forever!

Grif: That's actually a decent pla-

Sarge: Shut up, dirtbag.

Caboose: I think that Church thinks that I don't think that the Red Team thinks we is dumb.

Tucker: Ya think?

Tex: Okay, Church isn't here. I say we go and-

Church: I'm here. Now, I overheard Sarge's plan. Grif is a bomb.

Tucker: Seriously?

Church: So we should send him back and make him explode there.

Tex: How?

Church: I...haven't gotten that far yet...yeah.

Caboose: We should go get hats.

Tucker: _Hats?_

Caboose: Furry hats.

Church: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Grif: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Donut: I'm serious! I saw a bigfoot! He was right by those trees!

Sarge: No more playtime! Grif, get going.

Grif: All right! Jeez.

Grif :This is the worst thing Sarge has ever put me through.

Church: Guys, It's Grif!

Grif: Oh yeah, uh...I come in peace to tell you we surrender.

Church: Yeah. Go bring us the flag to prove it.

Grif: You're right. I'll be right back.

Sarge: Bad news, men. I forgot to make a detonator for the bomb. Grif is going to live. But-

Grif: Really? That's awesome!

Sarge:But, that bomb can be activated by anything with an ounce of gunpowder! chic chic Heh heh.

Grif: Gotta go.

Church:Hear that? We just gotta snipe him and we'll be perfectly safe! Caboose, you're up.

Caboose: Okay, Church. Maybe I'll find a fuzzy hat on the way.

Tucker: What are you doing? Caboose is way too dumb to do that!

Church: You're right. That was stupid. But, Caboose is gone now.

Tex: You know he'll walk right up to Grif and shoot him, right?

Tucker: I doubt it. He doesn't have enough brainpower to understand a freaking ham sandwich!

Caboose: I wonder where the fuzzy hats are. Hey, it's Grif.

Grif: It's Caboose!

Sarge: The enemy has been spotted! Grif, you will serve as a bullet shield.

Grif: But I'll explode!

Sarge: That's your problem! Run!

Caboose: Was I supposed to do something?

Grif: You were supposed to...um...shoot Sarge! Yeah!

Caboose: If you say so. boom

Sarge: Wow! That bullet almost hit me! You okay, Simmons?

Simmons: ...Ow...pain...Yes, sir...

Sarge: Good! Go walk it off.

Simmons: Yes, sir...ow...

Donut: That's pretty mean, Sarge.

Sarge: Donut, go make some cake.

Donut: Yes, sir!

Church: That was a pretty close shave.

Tucker: Bow chicka bow wow!

Church: SHUT UP TUCKER!

Caboose: I shot Sarge just like you told me, Church.

Church: You were supposed to shoot Grif!

Caboose: He said that I sould shoot Sarge. I shot Sarge.

Tucker: Since when do you do what the enemy tells us?

Church: Don't worry. That's Sarge. Their leader. They have no direction, now.

Tex: That's Sarge right over there.

Church: What?

Tex: Simmons is right there. Bleeding. Badly.

Simmons: Losing...blood...pain...

Sarge: Simmons! Get over here!

Simmons: Yes, sir...ow...

Sarge: Donut! Get that cake!

Donut: All done! Wanna know the secret ingredient?

Sarge: No!...Mmm. Tastes like bluesenberry.

Grif: That's not a kind of berry. Give me some.

Sarge: You can't have any...It's SargeCake©.

Grif: That doesn't even seem physically possible!

Church: This sucks.

Tucker: We never win. Why expect to now, when Caboose thinks for himself?

Tex: This isn't very interesting.

Caboose: We need pancakes.

Tucker: Or some of that SargeCake©.


End file.
